


Be More Chill (Boyf riends) One Shots

by MusicalShippingHell



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-11-09 15:20:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11107296
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicalShippingHell/pseuds/MusicalShippingHell
Summary: Join me, Michael Mell and Jeremy Heere as we travel through their wonderful journey called love.Warnings will be posted at the beginning of the chapter.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> warning: mentions of self-harm, mentions of suicide, cursing

Blocked Out

 

~Michael~

It had been 3 months since the squip had been gone. Jeremy had been doing better, from what I knew. Jeremy and I had started dating two months ago, and things were going extremely well. Or they were, until today. He was off today for some reason. I caught him plenty of times staring off into space or twitching randomly. Each time he tried to play it off as he was tired, or he was worried about another nameless thing. Now, as we walked home, hand in hand, I could tell something was off. Usually, we talked the whole entire time, usually him starting the conversation. But now, he was as quiet as a mouse. It looked like he was almost afraid to say anything.

Finally, fed up with him looking like this, I stopped walking, making sure Jeremy stopped with me. "Jeremy. What's wrong?" 

He looked around, trying to avoid any eye contact with me at all. "N-nothing's wrong, Mikey. D-don't worry-" He dropped his hand from mine, and started twitching, pulling at his hair. Jeremy squeezed his eyes shut, looking like he was trying to block something out. He started muttering incoherent words and phrases, making me worry about him again. Finally, the twitching stopped and he grabbed my hand again, squeezing it tight. "Please don't worry about me again."

My eyes widened, I couldn't believe him. "After what just happened, how am I _not _supposed to worry about you?!"__

____

____

"What do you mean "what just happened"? Nothing happened."

I let out a frustrated sigh and grabbed Jeremy's other hand. I squeezed them tight and stared into his eyes, pleading. "Jer, please tell me what's wrong..."

Jeremy glanced around before his gaze settled back on me and he frowned. "Fine. But let's go somewhere more private first."

I nodded and followed him as he led us down the sidewalk to his house.

~~~~

The rest of the walk was in silence, neither of us talked. Neither of us really knew what to say.

Once we were inside Jeremy's house, we headed to his room, and he sat down on his bed, forcing me to sit down with him. He looked into my eyes, intertwining our hands again.

"I-it's the squip."

My eyes widened and I stared at him. My emotions were a mix of sadness and anger. The squip had been gone for 3 months and Jeremy hadn't once mentioned it, and now all of a sudden he was back. I was furious, but I couldn't let Jeremy see that. I didn't want him to think that I was mad at him. So instead of getting mad, I asked the first question that popped into my head. "Is he back?"

Jeremy shook his head, and a sigh of relief escaped my mouth. Thank god he wasn't back. But the hope I had didn't last for long. "He's just kinda there. Every once in a while, he tries to take control. That's what the fidgeting is. I can hear his voice, Mikey. He's telling me to... to end it, and to kill myself... Saying that I'm worthless and useless. Mikey, is he _right _? Am I worthless... am I noting?" Tears started to fall from Jeremy's eyes, and I quickly gathered him up into my arms, holding him tightly.__

__"No.. no, no, no, no. You're not fucking worthless, Jer. You are worth more than anything," I told him, pressing him against my chest. After a while of just sitting like that, I asked, "When did this start?"_ _

__"Last month... The squip told me to... do things. I tried to stop myself, Michael. I really did... but I just kept doing it and... I'm sorry," he kept apologizing. At first, I was confused. What could he be apologizing for, what could he have done? A then it hit me. The squip had told him to hurt himself. How I knew, I didn't know. But I was sure I was right._ _

__I shook my head, reaching for his arms. He flinched, and I knew I was right. Jeremy didn't stop me as I rolled up his sleeves, revealing the crisscrossed scars, some older and some fresh. How could I have not noticed them? "Oh my God, Jer. Oh my _fucking _God." I pulled him as close as I could, staring off into the space behind him. My mind was buzzing a thousand miles per hour, and I had so many questions, but he didn't want to overwhelm Jeremy, not now. But one question bugged him more than anything, so he had to ask. "Did you try and stop him?"___ _

____Jeremy nodded into my chest, before saying, "Y-yeah. But h-he just blocked me out." He broke out into another fit of sobs, clutching onto my sweatshirt. "I-I'm so sorry Mikey. I-I tried to get him to stop..."_ _ _ _

____"Shh. None of this is your fault, there is nothing to feel sorry for." I paused. "From now on I'll just have to keep an extra close eye on you. I won't let you out of my sight."_ _ _ _

____He pulled away from the hug a little, just so he could press a quick kiss to my lips before he retreated back into the hug. "Y-You're not mad?"_ _ _ _

____I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Of course not. I could never be mad at you. If anything, I'm mad at the squip." I felt him nod, and I placed a kiss on the top of his head. "I love you, Jeremy Heere."_ _ _ _

____"I love you too, Michael Mell."_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____For the rest of the night, Jeremy and I cuddled. I did my best to try and wipe the squips words from his head, but I knew deep down they would always be there. No matter how many times I would tell him he was worth it or loved, or anything, there would always be that tiny voice in the back of his head telling him that everything I was saying was a lie. There was no fixing that problem. When Jeremy took the squip, he changed his life forever. It was like a weed: just when you thought you had gotten rid of it all, it comes back again, sprouting back up in places it wasn't wanted. And the squip was definitely not wanted inside Jeremy's head._ _ _ _

____I glanced over at Jeremy, passed out in my arms, and carefully moved him under the covers, trying my best not to wake him. I peeled off my sweatshirt, and jeans and climbed into bed next to him, wrapping my arms around him again. He stirred a little, and curled into me, resting his head in the crook of my neck. I kissed his cheek, and promised him, myself, _and _the squip that, I would do my best to protect and love Jeremy. I would do anything for him. I wouldn't let him be blocked out of his own mind.___ _ _ _


	2. He's my Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Michael first came out as trans to his parents, he had expected his father would be the one to yell and shout and kick him out of the house. But that wasn't what happened. The roles were switched, and Michael learned some things about his father that he never knew. 
> 
> Trans!Michael AU.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: transphobia, cursing.
> 
> This chapter is kinda dark, but don't worry, it gets better and there is boyf riends at some point. `

When Michael Mell told his mom about him being trans, he didn't expect it to go like this.

 

"What the hell do you mean, Mckayla?" Michael winced at the use of his birth name as his mom continued to yell at him. "You can just decide that you want to be a boy. That's not how it works!" 

Michael wanted desperately for his mom to understand what he was going through, but he could see that is wasn't going to happen the way he had imagined it. There would be no heartfelt motherly love, only pure hatred coming from the person who had loved him all his life. He tried to reason with her, but it just wasn't working. "Ma, look. I don't feel comfortable as a girl--as  _Mckayla_ \--I just don't feel like myself. Ma, you gotta understand that I'm still your baby, I'm still your kid." 

His mom scoffed, shooting him a glare. "No kid of mine is going to change her gender like that! You can't just do that, anyways. It's wrong, it's not right." She paused to let out an angry sigh before continuing, "I should have known you were like your dad, Mckayla. You betrayed me just like him." 

"Ma, my names not Mckayla. It's Michael, and I am a he, not a she," Michael said sternly, trying his best to put up a confident facade. His mother scowled at him, and her eyebrows furrowed together in anger. 

"Get out of my house," his mom said, bitterness and loathing laced in her words. When Michael didn't respond, she repeated his words, this time with more intensity. "Get. Out. Of. My. House."

Michael desperately held back the tears that were threatening to fall from his eyes. The woman who had--for 17 years--loved and adored Michael, was now kicking him out of her home. All because she didn't like who Michael was. And it hurt. It hurt him a whole lot. All he wanted was to be accepted for who he really was, for who he wanted to be.

Michael really wanted to reason with his mom, so that's what he tried to do. "Ma--" 

"Out," she snapped. "Get your things, and get out." 

As the words fell out of her mouth, Michael lost all hope on trying to change her mind, or at least get her to accept him. He trudged up the stairs to his room, trying his best not to glance at the letters on his door. Once inside, he pulled out a duffle bag--the one he usually brought to Jeremys'--and tossed as much as he could in it. Clothes, toiletries, books, and basically anything he could find and that he wanted. Michael grabbed his red sweatshirt from his bed and pulled it on. Once he gathered as much as he could, he slipped on his sneakers and headed to the door. Waiting for him was his mother, looking at him with cold, unforgiving eyes. 

She gestured to the door, and Michael opened it, walking outside. He was barely outside for two seconds before the door slammed shut behind him. When he heard the door slam, his facade fell, and the tears spilled from his eyes. His own mother had abandoned him, and it was hard as hell to process. 

As he walked down the steps, he considered where to go. He thought about Jeremy's' house, but he didn't want to bother Jeremy with his problems, especially when he was struggling with his own. Michael and Jeremy had just started dating a few weeks ago, and Jeremy was having a hard time wrapping his head around the whole bisexual thing. It was tough for him, and he was struggling to accept, but he was getting there--with Michaels help of course. 

The only other place Michael could go was his dads. And that's what he settled on. So, he started his fifteen-minute walk to his dads' house, with a tear-stained face and a broken heart. 

-~-

When Michael arrived at his dads' house, he had stopped crying, but the pain--obviously--was still there. Hesitantly, he turned the knob. There was no need for knocking, it was his dads' house. On his way, he decided to tell his dad everything. If his dad rejected him the same way his mom did, it would probably break him. But he thought it would be better for him to get it over with now, he didn't want to build his hope up by not telling his dad, only to have it broken at some point again. 

Inside, he followed the sound of the TV to the living room and found him sprawled out on the couch, a bowl of popcorn resting on his stomach. Michael glanced at the TV and noticed his dad's favorite show was on:  _Steven Universe._ God, his dad was such a nerd. He almost laughed at that.

Michael cleared his throat to catch his dad's attention, and he jumped, dropping the bowl of popcorn on the floor. His dad cussed, before turning to Michael. His expression changed from anger to worry in an instant.

"Hey, honey. What's wrong?" His dad asked, sitting up. 

Michael swallowed hard, trying to calm his nerves and rising panic. "I-I need to tell you something, Dad." 

His dad nodded at him to go on, "Shoot." 

"I-I'm trans," he mumbled. "I don't feel comfortable as a girl, with the name "Mckayla." I feel better with the name Michael." 

His dad was silent, as he was afraid he had upset him or made him angry. For a split second, he thought that his dad would react the same way his mom did, until his dad stood up from the couch, headed over to him and pulled him into a tight hug. "If that's what you want, honey, that is fine with me. However you feel comfortable, I am fine with that. I'm proud of you for telling me, son."

Michaels heart almost exploded when his dad called him son. His dad had reacted the complete opposite way his mom did. He was so happy and relieved his heart wasn't broken again. 

"T-Thank you, Dad," Michael stuttered hugging his dad back tightly. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, before Michaels dad pulled away and lead him over to the couch. They sat down and Michaels dad rested a hand on his son's leg. Michael knew what was coming, he would have to tell his dad eventually why he came here with his bagged packed, on the verge of tears. So he waited for his dad to ask the question. 

"Did you tell your mom?" 

Michael nodded his head, letting out a shaky, "Yes." Michaels dad waited for an explanation on how it went, and Michael explained, letting his dad know everything that happened. He watched his dad expression turn to worry and concern. "Then, she said that I had betrayed her like you did. Dad, what did she mean by this? How did you "betray" her?" 

"Your mom and I started going out our senior year, and we were undeniably in love. I loved your mom a whole lot, but there was something I didn't tell her. I made a mistake by not telling her honestly. Anyways, we got married and had you. And then when you were five, I let it slip that I am... bisexual. Your mom didn't like that she claimed I was going to go flirting and falling in love with every guy I saw. I-I tried to tell her that I loved her--and only her, but she wouldn't listen. She filed for divorce not soon after. I'm sorry I never told you." By the time his dad was done with his explanation, Michael was speechless. His dad had gone through the something similar to what he went through, and he was glad now he had someone that understood his situation.

Michael scooted over to his dad and pulled him into a hug, "It's okay dad. We have each other now."

His dad smiled and hugged his son back. They were there for each other, and it was what they needed.

-~-

The next day Michael stood outside Jeremy's house, waiting for Jeremy to come outside. They planned to just have a simple date, something small so they could just talk. Michael planned to tell him what happened the other day.

A few minutes later, Jeremy walked out of his house a smile plastered on his face, and a brown paper bag in his hands. He handed it to Michael after closing the door. Michael opened the bag, and a smile split across his face when he saw what was inside: A glazed vanilla donut. 

He closed the bag and wrapped his arms around Jeremy's waist, causing the taller boy to blush. "Thank you so much, Jer! You know how much I love donuts!" 

Jeremy responded, obviously flustered. "N-no problem, M-Mikey." Michael smiled at his nickname and then started walking, pulling the other boy along. 

"Park?" he asked.

"Sure." 

So the two walked in comfortable silence, exchanging longing glances and small pecks on the lips. By the time they reached the park, they were both flustered, blushing messes. They took a seat on one of the benches overlooking the lake, Michael on Jeremys lap. Jeremy asked about what happened when he came out, and he explained everything, without ease. But, he let Jeremy know everything. By the time Michael was done, he was sobbing into Jeremys shoulder. Jeremy had his arms wrapped around the boy, trying to calm him down, and just be there for him.

"Hey, hey. Michael, everything is going to be okay. Do you wanna know why?"

Michael nodded, pulling his head away from Jeremys neck. "Why?"

Jeremy placed a quick kiss on Michaels' lips, and then nose, before saying. "'Cause you're my boy, and I'll be here for you, always." With that, Jeremy pulled Michael in for another kiss, this one longer and even better than the last.

 


	3. Cardboard and a Coffee Cup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit angsty. But not really? It actually has a really happy ending that is really cliche. 
> 
> Jeremy was kicked out of his house by his father when he told him he was bi. He gathered what he could and searched around for a while for a job. When he found nothing, he found an empty alley. Now, one year later, Jeremy's grown accustomed to the little alley. With his cardboard and coffee cup full of change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I write is angst.... except for most of this one.   
> I need some help.
> 
> You guys can request one-shots btw.

Like every Tuesday, Jeremy sat on the street corner with his sign and his empty coffee cup. The sign was nothing new, just something simple: "Please spare some change." And like every Tuesday, people passed him, not even blinking. Though, it was normal around here. It was a city, and there were bound to be homeless people in the city. What made Jeremy so special? Nothing, really. He was just like every other homeless person around. Usually, every Tuesday and Thursday he would sit on a street corner and wait for someone to drop a single coin in his cup. (Maybe he was able to buy a donut or two from the bakeshop, but that was it.) Usually, people only spare a few cents, but there was that occasional person that gave him a few more extra dollars that he thought he needed. In all honesty, Jeremy's father had convinced him he wasn't worth anything when he kicked him out and was still convincing him every day, even if he wasn't there. 

There really wasn't much to tell about Jeremy either. Maybe the only slightly interesting thing there was about him was the fact that occasionally--only sometimes--heard a voice in his head. Jeremy was convinced that is wasn't his own voice or his consciousness, he'd even given the voice a name: The Squip. It didn't bother him much, just tried to tell him what to do. Those things were never good, so Jeremy never listened. He didn't consider himself crazy, but if he really was, well that was for everyone else to decide. Jeremy was 17, almost an adult, and had been kicked out when he was 16 by his father. From then on he lived on his own, trying to get a job to support himself. But who would want to hire a dirty, homeless, not-even-adult? No one. And when Jeremy gave up on finding a job, he kinda just, gave up in general. He stopped going to school. He stopped doing the things he enjoyed most, and it dragged him down. But he would never admit that to anyone. He didn't even really like asking for money, for him it was a new kinda low. What other choice did he have though? What could he really do? 

Things were different today though, someone actually  _talked_ to him today. Not just dropped a few cents in the cup and walked away, but had decided to talk to him. That, someone, was Michael Mell, and Jeremy decided he liked him--a little too much.

"Why don't you let me take you out to get coffee? It's cold out here," offered Michael. Michael was shorter than Jeremy, but  _boy_ did he make up for that in other ways.  Chocolate brown hair that seemed to shimmer in the winter sun, dark brown eyes that almost looked black, but were swirling with so much emotion Jeremy could barely look at them for more than a few seconds before becoming entranced. Very tan skin, that Jeremy _really_ wanted to touch. He looked around the same age as Jeremy, which Jeremy was grateful for. He needed someone to talk to that was the same age as him. Not some sympathetic old lady (not that he minded that either). 

Jeremy snapped out of the trance he was, realizing he had been staring at the boy--gawking even. He blushed, and buried his face in his hand, trying--and failing--to hide his embarrassment. "U-Uh are you sure? I don't want to bother you or a-anything." 

Michael laughed. The laugh was so full of life a joy, and it was genuine. "No, don't worry, you're not bothering me a bit. I actually like talking to you a lot. Seriously though, coffee?"

Jeremy nodded, still trying to grasp the concept of someone buying something for him. "T-that would be nice."

Michael nodded, and stood up, extending a hand to help out Jeremy. He took it hesitantly, and then immediately let go, shocked by how  _soft_ the other boy's hands felt. He faced heated up at the thought, and he could have sworn he heard the tiny voice say something about it. "Something wrong?" The boy asked. Jeremy shook his head and reached down to grab his backpack--the only thing he really had left from hs house--then shoved his sweatshirt in it. Michael nodded unsurely, and then started walking, motioning for Jeremy to follow after him.

The two teens walked for a few blocks before they came to rest in front of a coffeeshop titled "Caligula's Coffee."  Michael-seemingly familiar with the place--headed inside, making sure to hold the door for the taller boy. When they were inside, Michael joined onto the end of the line and waited. Nothing was said between them, but the silence wasn't awkward. The buzzing conversations around them made sure of that. Once it was Michaels and Jeremy's turn to order, Michael greeted the barista with a friendly smile. He turned to Jeremy after, asking him what he wanted. Jeremy's eyes scanned over the menu, and he looked at the least expensive coffee and picked that. With a nod, Michael turned back to the 

With a nod, Michael turned back to the barista. "We'll take two french vanilla coffees. Light and sweet."

"Not a problem, Michael," the barista responded, turning around to give the order to someone else. "It'll be done in just a second."

Michael nodded, "Thanks, Christine." Michael glanced behind himself to make sure no one was behind them before continuing the conversation with Christine. "Oh yeah, Chris, this is Jeremy." 

Christine smiled at him, and he did the same, adding a wave. She didn't any anything after that just turned around, grabbed the two boys coffee and handed it to them. "Have a nice day!" Micael did the same, and then Jeremy and him were on their way to a table in the back of the coffee shop. 

Michael sat down across from Jeremy and smiled. "Uh, so I know you told me some things earlier, but I was wondering; can you tell me a little more about yourself? I'm curious." Jeremy wasn't too sure about sharing things about himself to someone he just met, it made him slightly uncomfortable. Even tough he had grown a liking to the boy, did not mean he wanted to tell him everything about himself. He was about to say one thing--something really simple--when the boy interrupted again. "Y'know what? To make you a little less uncomfortable, why don't I start. I'm 17, in my senior year. I work at a local arcade with my friend Rich. I'm going to college for Game Design, and this thing-" He pulled on the sweatshirt he was wearing, "Is my prized possession. I've had it for  _years_ _._ My favorite patch it this one." He pointed to a rainbow flag positioned on his upper arm and smiled triumphantly. "Oh, and I'm gay."

Jeremy's heart leaped. He had a chance with the boy. He smiled at the boy's honesty, before shakingly giving some facts about himself. "I-I'm 17, I don't go to school. I'm homeless. I have zero clue what I want to do with my future... Umm.. I don't own too much but," I pointed to my stripped shirt, "This is my favorite and only shirt. I'm also bi." He took a sip of his coffee to try and calm his nerves. He hadn't told anyone about himself in years, and it felt kinda freeing to him. 

Michael smiled at him, happy the taller boy opened up to him. "You seem very interesting. I like talking to you." Jeremy blushed at the compliment, mumbling a quiet thank you. "Do you-uh-want to meet up here tomorrow too? I could buy you coffee again." 

"Y-You don't have to do that."

"It'd be my pleasure," Michael responded, flashing his heart stopping smile. "So same time tomorrow?"

Jeremy glanced down at his coffee cup, which wasn't full of change this time and smiled."Sure."

~

So for a month, Jeremy showed up at the coffee shop without fail. Each day Michael and him would grab a coffee, and head out together somewhere. Whether it was to the arcade or just for a walk, both boys enojyed eachother. On the end of the first week, Michael offered to buy Jeremy somemore clothes, claiming he had money to spare. Jeremy--of course--declined the offer, not wanting to take anymore money from Michael. He was feeling guilty from the coffee already. Michael respected his decision for a whole day, because the next day, he asked again. And he kept asking until Jeremy gave in. So he bought Jeremy some new shirts, shorts, a sweatshirt and even a new bag. Though, Jeremy kept his old striped shirt and bag because it was all he had left of his house. Eventually, Jeremy told Michael why he was homeless, and the shorter boy had hugged him and told him everything would be alright. Jeremy believed him because that's what he needed. He had even stopped hearing the voice in his head. (for the most part.) 

And Michael was as kind as he could be to Jeremy.

At the end of the month, the two boys had shared together, it was Christmas already. Jeremy didn't expect anything, in fact, he didn't even expect Michael to show up to their usual meeting spot that day--the coffee shop was closed anyways. But, Jeremy went anyways, and Michael was there waiting for him, a small box in his hands. 

Michael rushed up to him and smiled, hanging an arm around the boy's shoulders. He nervously handed him the box. Jeremy cast Michael a wary glance but took the box nonetheless. He opened the box, slightly scared to see its contents. Inside was a short note saying:  _I was hoping you'd like to stay at my place for a bit?_ Next to the note, there was a house key, the top of it painted blue with nail polish.

Jeremy almost burst into tears. Instead, he turned and wrapped the other boy in his arms. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." He mumbled someone thank you's, letting Michael hug him back. 

"Not a problem," Michael replied, a light chuckle escaping his lips. "I'll be glad to have you move in... We can share a room, play video games all the time." 

Jeremy laughed, and silence fell between the two. A few minutes later, Jeremy pulled back from the hug and stared Michael in the eyes. He started for a few seconds before he gained enough confidence to lean down and close the space between them, capturing Michaels lips in a kiss. Michael kissed back immediately, loving the feeling of kissing the boy. The kiss was brief--not enough for both of them--but instead of kissing again, Michael wrapped is arms around the boy again.

"I like you, a lot," mumbled Jeremy into Michaels sweatshirt.

Michael smiled, pressing a kiss to the top of Jeremy's head. "I like you too, Jer." 

The two boys looked up and noticed something: snow had started to fall. The first snowfall of winter, on Christmas, on the most perfect day. Too cliche to be real, but too real to be fake.

As the snow started to fall, the two boys headed to a nearby alley to grab cover. They sat there the rest of the day, exchanging quick kisses and blissful words. And just then, for that time, Jeremy forgot about how different things were a month ago: The cardboard and the empty coffee cups. Now it was quick kisses and hot coffee. 


	4. This is A Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soulmate AU where you have the same tattoo as your soulmate. 
> 
> Soulmates, that's what they were. But there's no rule that says you have to be with your soulmate, that you have to like them. Being soulmates with someone doesn't mean anything, is what Jeremy thought; especially when he found out who his soulmate was.
> 
> warning: thoughts of suicide, depression, internalized homophobia, homophobia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHHAhahahha.... more angst.

Michael loved the idea of soulmates. The idea, to him, was amazing and he was so happy he had a soulmate out there somewhere. Every day since he knew what he meant, he stared at the tattoo on his leg. He looked at the black swirls and gray dots and wondered if his soulmate did the same. The tattoo was simple, but Michael loved it. Gray dots lining most of his upper leg, forming the sun setting over the ocean. Black swirls surrounded the sun, making it even better. Simply said, Michael could stare at his tattoo for days on end and sit never get bored of it. Every part of it intrigued him. And as he got older, he could care less who his soulmate was. He didn't care what gender they were, what they looked like. All he really cared about was their personality. That's what his parents told him is what really counted.

Jeremy was different. He didn't hate the idea of soulmates per say, he just didn't care if he found his or not. His father hadn't found his soulmate and was doing fine, why should he need a soulmate to be happy? He only on occasion looked at the sunset on his leg, if he looked at it too long, it started to bother him. The black and gray all seemed too boring to him. Every part of it bored him. And as he got older, the thought of a soulmate seemed to drift further and further away from Jeremy. The only time he ever thought about the sunset tattoo on his leg was when his best friend--Michael Mell--brought up soulmates. Which seemed to happen a lot.

They met in second grade and had been inseparable since. They bonded over their love of video games, music, and basically everything. The only thing they really couldn't agree on was soulmates, they had completely opposite views on that. But they respected each other's opinions and never let it get in the way. They rarely ever fought, but when they did it was always over something stupid. They loved their friendship more than anything. They did everything together. The only secret they kept from each other was their soulmate tattoos. Neither of them could come to show the other their tattoo. Though Michael talked about meeting his soulmate a lot, he never talked about his tattoo. Jeremy just never brought it up.

And though he'd never admit it, Michael had fallen slightly for Jeremy. There were multiple reasons why he would never say why, and they were pretty good reasons. One: Jeremy was Michaels best friend and he really did not want to lose the amazing friendship they had, that would be horrible. Michael wouldn't know how to handle himself if he lost Jeremy. Two: Michael had a soulmate out there somewhere. He didn't want to love anyone else but his soulmate. So he did his best to repress the feelings he had for Jeremy, and it worked pretty well--or as well as it could. He tried his best.

Now, the two seventeen-year-olds-year-olds sat in Jeremy's kitchen, talking about soulmates. 

"But Jer, don't you ever wonder who your soulmate is, like truly wonder?" Michael leaned his arms on the table so he could get closer to Jeremy. 

The latter shrugged his shoulders. "I don't really care who my soulmate is, honestly. My soulmate could be a murderer and I could care less."

Michael laughed at this, a short giggle. He cleared his throat, the smile that came with the laugh fading. His face turned from happy to serious, and he looked away from Jeremy. "I-I know this is kinda sudden, and we've never really talked about it... but do you want to show each other our tattoos?" 

Jeremy tensed up and he weighed his options. Michael hadn't ever asked about his tattoo and Jeremy hadn't asked about his. It seemed to be a silent agreement between the two teens. But, he didn't see anything wrong with showing Michael his tattoo, he didn't even really care about soulmates, so what would the harm be in showing his best friend his tattoo. "I-um. Why not? How about we go at the same time?"

Michael nodded eagerly. "Except mines in a weird spot so I kinda have to take my pants off..." He trailed off, trying not to seem too awkward. 

"Me too..."

"Well, that gets rid of some weirdness... How about we turn around and then turn around on the count of three?" Michal suggested. Jeremy agreed with the idea and turned around along with Michael. They quickly took off their shorts and then both sighed--heavily. 

Michael started the countdown, his anxiety eating him up. He was hoping Jeremy was his soulmate, so he'd finally have the boy he'd crushed on for so long. But Michael knew the odds, being best friends with your soulmate for years without knowing was practically impossible. Still, he hoped.

"Two..."

"Three..." 

Michael turned around, and as soon as he did, his breath caught in his throat. Jeremy was already turned around, facing him. On his left leg, there was his soulmate tattoo. But it wasn't just any tattoo. It was the same as Michaels. Jeremy noticed too, and his eyes widened considerably; taking in the fact that his best friend for years was his soulmate. His best friend, and a guy. A  _guy_. Jeremy had never once questioned his sexuality, for as long as he could remember, he had been attracted to girls. There had never been a time where he had been attracted ti guys, right? 

While Jeremy was panicking over that fact that Michael was his soulmate, Michael was rejoicing. They guy he had been crushing on for years, was his soulmate. The chances of that were one in a million. But here he was, staring at the exact same tattoo he had on his best friend and his crush. He couldn't stop a smile from spreading across his face. It was a miracle. 

There was a silence between them that was different for both of them. Jeremy found it tense and uncomfortable while Michael found it comfortable and calming. They stood like that for a few minutes before Michael broke the silence. 

"W-we're soulmates, Jeremy! This-this is amazing!" Michael couldn't help but be happy. If he could he would shout who his soulmate was across the rooftops. 

Jeremy didn't say anything as he continued to stare at Michael. Michael was a guy, his best friend. Jeremy wasn't gay. There was no way that his soulmate could be Michael. No way that his soulmate could be a guy. It wasn't right. Not for Jeremy. Michael noticed his friend's expression when he didn't respond, and the smile fell from Michaels' face. 

"A-are you not happy with this?" Michael asked, the worst scenarios playing out in his mind. 

"Y-You can't be my soulmate," Jeremy said finally, breaking the tense silence he had created.

The rest if Michaels happiness faded then, and he could already feel tears forming at the edge of his eyes. "W-Why? W-What's so wrong w-with this?" 

"It's not right! You can't be my soulmate because-because you're a guy!" Jeremy exploded, taking all of his anger out in that one sentence. 

Michael felt his heart break even more. "Is-is l-liking another guy... so... bad?" 

"It's wrong for me! This is wrong! I'm not supposed to be soulmates with a guy!" 

"But-" 

Jeremy cut Michael off, tossing Michaels pants at him. "This is a mistake. You're not my soulmate. Get out."

"Jere-"

"Out. I-I need time to think." 

Michael nodded, the tears falling from his eyes. He slipped on his pants quickly and grabbed his backpack from the kitchen table. He glanced back at Jeremy once more with a tear stained face before scurrying out of the house. Jeremy felt a pang of guilt when he saw how upset Michael looked, but the mistakes had already been said and there was no going back from that. He needed time to think about what happened. Finding out your soulmate was a guy, let alone your best friend was a lot to take in for Jeremy. He needed a lot of time. And he didn't think he would ever have the guts to face Michael again after what just happened. How could he? 

~

A few days later, Michael stood in his room, facing the mirror and looking down at his tattoo. Tears stained his face, but he had stopped crying now. Only a shadow of the pain remained. Jeremy's words kept repeating in his head:  _This is a mistake. You're not my soulmate._ It hurt so much to hear those words. Especially from his best friend, soulmate and long-time crush. He just couldn't believe that Jeremy could be so cold to him and so rude about what had happened. Though he understood slightly, he couldn't keep the words from getting to him. He hadn't seen Jeremy in four days either. The first day Jeremy ignored him at school, and the other three days Michael didn't go to school, faking a stomach bug. He kept thinking about the other day. As the scenario played in his head over and over again, Michael fell further and further into a pit of despair. The person he had longed after for so long couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him. Only a few hours ago Michael had loved the idea of soulmates and now he hated it. If his soulmate hated him, why should he even be happy he has a soulmate? He felt bad for Jeremy too. His soulmate was Michael. Worthless Michael. Pathetic and heartbroken Michael. He deserved so much better. Maybe if he just offed himself now things would be better for Jeremy--for everyone. It seemed like the best option to him.

After debating with himself for a while, he chose a spot to do it. There was a bridge where Jeremy and him used to hang out. That would be the best spot. He quickly wrote down a note, telling everyone why he had done it.  _Because I can't handle that my best friend and soulmate is disgusted by me._ He folded up the note and shoved it in his sweatshirt pocket. He glanced out the window a noticed the rain that started to fall. Laughing at the irony, Michael headed for his front door, pulling it open. 

Michael found himself stumbling back a few feet when he saw the person standing in his way. Jeremy was standing on his doorstep, drenched head to toe. His eyes widened, and he found himself in a state of shock. 

"I"m so sorry, Michael," Jeremy choked out, tears falling from his eyes. "I'm such an idiot..."

"Jeremy-"

"No, let me explain," Jeremy began, cutting Michael off. "It's not wrong for my soulmate to be a guy, I just over reacted. There's nothing wrong with it at all... it was just really shocking and hard for me to process. I ignored you at school the other day because I felt really bad about what I said to you. You didn't deserve it; I know how much finding your soulmate meant to you. I wanted to talk to you the day after that but you didn't show up and I didn't have the guts to come to your house. I understand now, and I'm perfectly fine with you being my soulmate--in fact, it's amazing because we already know so much about each other... But bottom line, Michael, I'm so sorry. So, so, so, sorry." Jeremy was panting as he finished up his speech. 

Michael smiled softly, his fears and anger from the past few days disappearing. He stepped out onto the porch next to Jeremy and gathered him in his arms. "It's fine, Jeremy. It really is. I-I forgive you."

"Really?" Jeremy asked, his words muffled by Michaels sweatshirt. Michal nodded, confirming it for Jeremy, and smiled. 

Jeremy removed his head from Michaels' chest and kissed his cheek quickly. "Again, I'm sorry. We should start over and try something together. Because we're soulmates and all that."

"Sure, Jer... I'd like that a lot," Michael said, smiling. The note in his sweatshirt pocket almost forgotten about. Almost. 


	5. Blood and Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richjake angst. That's all I have to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: blood, self-harm, mentions of self-harm

Rich hurried into his bathroom quickly, slamming the door behind him and making sure to lock it. He heard Jake pounding on his bedroom door, beginning to be let in. But he wasn't going to let him in, not when he looked like this. 

Trying his best to ignore the constant yelling from Jake, Rich unlocked a drawer, pulling out a razor blade. He pulled up his shirt sleeves with shaky hands. Rich pressed the blade against his skin, dragging it across slowly, allowing the blood to drip down his arm. With each cut, there was a different thought. None of them good.

_Jake hates you. You burned down his house. He'll never love you._

_Jeremy hates you. You ruined his life._

_Everyone hates you._

Rich sobbed, the blade dropping from his hand, and falling to the floor. He pulled at his hair and scratched his head, trying to distract himself. Everything was his fault. He ruined everyone's life, caused them all this trauma. If he hadn't suggested Jeremy get a squip no one would have gotten hurt. It's his fault.

Rich cried harder, and he dug his fingers into the cuts on his wrists, drawing more blood. He didn't hear Jake outside his door anymore, and he was happy. He didn't have to deal with someone finding out about what he was doing. 

It was silent for a few minutes longer before there was a soft knock on the door followed by Jakes' voice: "Rich? Can I come in, please?"

Rich didn't respond. He only dug his fingers into the cuts on his wrists further, drawing more blood than before. 

Jake knocked on the door again, this time harder. "You're making me worry. Rich, please open the door." Again, Rich didn't respond, he kept quiet. "Rich, I'm going to try and find a way in here... I know there's a key out here somewhere..." 

Jakes' voice trailed off signaling that he had walked away from the door. Rich's eyes widened, realizing the situation, and he quickly hurried up from the floor. He shoved the razor back into the drawer and locked it, before running his wrists under cold water, cleaning the blood off. As he was cleaning off his wrists, he heard the door unlock, and he quickly shoved his sleeves down and hid his arms behind his back.

"Rich..?" Jake approached him hesitantly and reached for his shoulder. 

Rich tried to smile to let Jake know he was okay, but it wasn't very convincing. Jake caught on and noticed the tears in his eyes, and he frowned. This time, he reached for Riches' arm, but Rich jerked away, causing Jake to frown more. 

"Let's go and sit down on, I want to talk to you..." Jake grabbed him by the shoulder and lead him over to his bed, sitting him down. He took a seat after Rich and carefully reached for his hand. This time Rich didn't pull his hand away. "Rich, can you tell me what's wrong? You ran away from me and locked yourself in your bathroom..." 

Rich shook his head, glancing down at his arms. "N-Nothing... there's nothing wrong... I-I'm okay..." His lisp slurred some of the words each time he spoke, but nonetheless Jake could still understand him.

"You're not okay. You looked like you had been crying. Please, Rich. Please tell me what's wrong. You're really, really, worrying me," Jake pleaded, giving Rich's hand a squeeze. 

Rich pulled his hand away and he nervously tugged on his sleeves, willing them to go further than they could. Jake, noticing his odd behavior, frowned again. He noticed the red stains on his sleeves and gasped. 

"Rich... let me see your arms." Rich shook his head, trying to hurry away from Jake. Instead, Jake grabbed his upper arm and pulled him back down. He pulled up Rich's sleeves on his own and almost gagged. All up and down his arms were scars, some still fresh from before and other ones old and healed over. "Rich... Why?" 

He yanked his arms away from him again and suddenly exploded, shooting up from the bed. "Because I ruined everything! Everyone hates me! You hate me, Jeremy hates me! I burned down your house for Christ sake! I'm horrible, I'm terrible... I should just die..." Rich's voice broke, and he started sobbing again and falling to the floor in a head. Jake rushed over, wrapping his arms around Rich comfortingly. 

"Shh... I don't hate you... I don't hate you. No one hates you. We understand why you did it, it's okay."

"A-and you! You'll never love me like I love you... You're going to hate me forever..." 

"You love me?" Jake gasped, taking a few seconds to process the situation. 

"Shit... sorry, forget about that it probably means nothing to you and probably just ruined our friendship and..." Rich's voice broke again and he started crying again, burying his head in Jakes' shoulder, his face burning a bright red.

Jake ran his hand through Rich's hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "Shh... I don't hate you. In fact... if I'm being honest I like you.. a lot."

"What?" Rich pulled himself away from Jakes' shoulder and looked up at him in shock. 

"I... like you too," Jake stated, trying his best to not burst into a blushing mess.

Rich shook his head, "A-are you being serious?" 

Jake nodded, and to clarify he titled Rich's head up and pulled him into a kiss. Rich would have kissed back instantly, had he not been shocked. Once he got over the shock, he kissed back with as much love as he could possibly muster up at the moment. Once they pulled away, both teens were blushing furiously and breathing heavily.

"T-thank you," Rich mumbled. 

Jake nodded, and they sat there in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Jake pulled away from their hug and grabbed Rich's wrists carefully. He turned them over and pressed a kiss to as much of the scars as he could. Once he was done with that, he looked Rich in the eyes and said: "I haven't forgotten about this y' know. We need to talk, I want to try and help."

Rich nodded hesitantly, and let Jake pull him off of the floor. Jake pressed a quick kiss to Rich's lips one more time, before pulling him up onto his lap. 

**\---------------------------------------**

**Not the best I've ever written but it's something. Hope you enjoyed!**


	6. Cancer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off of the song "Cancer" by My Chemical Romance. 
> 
> Angst.

_Turn away, if you could get me a drink of water, 'Cause my lips are chapped and faded._

Michael stared down at the frail boy in front of him, tears blurring his vision. Jeremy was still so young; why was this his fate? What hurt Michael the most, was that he couldn't do anything to help him. All he could do was sit in a chair and watch as the life drained from the one person he loved with his whole heart. 

_Call my aunt Marie, help her gather all my things, and bury me in all my favorite colors._

A few weeks ago, Jeremy had requested that Michael go to his aunt's house and pick up an old baby blue blanket from when he was a kid. He'd requested to be buried with it; along with his blue suit. 

_My sisters and brothers still, I will not kiss you._

Jeremy refused to say goodbye to anyone, he refused to give people kisses. It hurt Michael, knowing that he wouldn't get a goodbye kiss from him; that one day he could wake up and Jeremy would be gone.

_'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you._

Jeremy told Michael that he didn't want to say goodbye because then the truth would be out there. There would be no way to deny it because he'd said goodbye. There's no taking back goodbyes like that. Jeremy never complained about the chemo, or the constant treatments, he only complained about how he was leaving Michael behind. 

_Now turn away, 'cause I'm awful just to see. All my hairs abandoned all my body._

Jeremy didn't want anyone to see him like he was, though all his friends came despite him protesting regularly. All his hair had fallen out, and now, nearing the end of his treatment, there was absolutely no hair left anywhere on his body. It made him a little upset. It made Michael upset seeing that Jeremy was upset. Michael didn't care if Jeremy had all his hair or no hair. He just wanted Jeremy.

_Oh my agony, know that I will never marry._

They were engaged. The week before Jeremy's health started declining rapidly, Michael proposed. It was pure bliss, euphoric. Euphoric until Jeremy couldn't stop coughing, or would fall on his own. They both knew something was wrong. Now Jeremy would never marry; he only had a few days left.

_Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo._

Michael noticed, where Jeremy started chemo, that he'd started to become less cheerful than he had been in the past. He was tired all the time. He had a hard time standing. And when they had stopped the treatment, there was no change, it stayed the same; or gotten worse.

_But counting down the days to go._

Both of them counted. It had been five months in the beginning if he wasn't treated. They'd caught it too late, according to the doctors two months after that. Three months; that's how long he had. Though Michael didn't want to count, to be reminded of how long he had left with his love, Jeremy wanted to. He wanted to know so he could savor every moment he had with Michael. The timer ticked down as an ever-lasting reminder of how long they had left. Now the timer was nearing the end; there were only two days left. 

_It just ain't living._

Jeremy didn't want to tell Michael that he really just wanted it all to end. He didn't like the constant prodding and poking from the doctors and the nurses. He didn't like the pitiful glances from all his friends; from Michael. He didn't want to be in pain. He was alive, but he wasn't living. 

_And I just hope you know, that if you say, goodbye today, I'd ask you to be true._

When his days seemed to get shorter, and his time spent in the waking world was shorter, he revoked the 'no saying goodbye rule' and said that they only had one chance each to say it. He wanted them to say it with meaning, so he could give them all closure. Jeremy said goodbye to all his friends first, they all were crying. Michael was last.

_'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you._

It was the day of, the day the doctors said was his last. Michael could tell they were right. His breathing was shallow, his eyes were clouded over, and he seemed paler than usual. Michael had yet to say goodbye; he knew that he had too soon. This was it.

Michael approached Jeremy, taking his frail hand in his own. With the little strength he had left, Jeremy opened his eyes, trying his best to hold Michaels gaze. Michael leaned down, pressing a fleeting kiss to Jeremy's lips; despite Jeremy's disapproval with it. He glanced over at the heart monitor, listening to the beeps. This was it. He couldn't wait any longer. 

"Goodbye, my love. I'll see you in another life."

Michael listened, minutes later, as the heart monitor started beeping rapidly, and then stopped, holding out the longest tone Michael had ever heard. The steady beep was enough to drive Michael insane. It was enough when he felt Jeremy's hand fall limp in his. It was enough because this was too hard for him already. He knew this was coming, but it was here now, and all too real. He lost something un-replaceable. 

_'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you._


End file.
